How to stop worrying about + trying to control what other people think. Learn how to handle other people's opinions like a boss so that you can live your life utterly unbothered. Ready to change your life? I can absolutely help you. Book your Awaken Session here: awakensession.com
Schedule your Awaken Session here.
How to stop worrying about + trying to control what other people think. Learn how to handle other people's opinions like a boss so that you can live your life utterly unbothered. Set yourself free from the burden of what other people think and experience true freedom in your life!
Ready to change your life? I can absolutely help you inside my 1:1 private coaching experience. This is the most luxurious coaching that exists, 100% customized to you and dedicated to your growth. You have me supporting & guiding you every step of the way, so it's guaranteed you will create the exact results that you want. Book a free Awaken Session (Don’t be afraid...you’ll laugh AND have next steps no matter what you decide!) Book yours here http://awakensession.com/
WHAT'S 🔥INSIDE THIS EPISODE:
Ep. 67 Approval Addiction Realness
Ep. 66 Vicious Cycle of External Validation
Ep. 65 Hidden Trauma of Overachieving
Ep. 12 People Pleasing
PRIVATE COACHING WITH COURTNEY LOVE GAVIN:
Create change at a cellular level by becoming a private one on one coaching client. Click here to set up a free Awaken Session or go to courtneylovegavin.com/contact
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[00:00:00] This is pretty pretty podcast. the prettiest podcast on the planet. where each week I share powerful insights to help you untangle the mysteries and magic of your subconscious mind. So you can reconnect with your highest desires, tap into your intuition and activate the art of being yourself. I am your coach. Courtney. Love Gavin.
[00:00:23] Welcome to pretty pretty podcast. This is episode number 68. A testimonial came in to my inbox and I thought about you, the pretties,the pretty pretty podcast listeners who are thinking I know I want to coach with CLG, but I'm afraid to make the first step. So I want to read you this testimonial
[00:00:47] I thought about working with CLG for a year and a half. I listened to every episode of her podcast. I watch her Instagram lives. And finally, one day I just decided enough with dipping my toe in the water I'm diving in and I hired her. I knew it would up-level me, but holy sh*t my biggest fear was the money and how much it was going to cost.
[00:01:14] But what I discovered working with her was how much time and money I'd wasted, not working with her sooner. I know I got my money's worth on our very first session and the rest was just a bonus. It was worth every penny and it was worth every minute. And then some. Thank you, CLG for changing my life.
[00:01:37] So I love that and this former client of mine, but also I didn't change her life.
[00:01:44] I just believed in her and I chose not to believe in her fearful thinking and energy. I wanted to share that with you because so many of you pretties listen, thank me and tell me, I love to work with CLG, but you don't take the first step. So what I am inviting you and encouraging you to do today is to just make the first step. I promise you now is the right time.
[00:02:09] And I am the best person to help you. My clients have a hundred percent success rate. to book your awakened session and take that first step, go to awaken session.com and I will also put a link in the show notes.
[00:02:22] Today pretties, we are talking about other people's opinions. What other people think of you and the fear that us overachievers, high-performers and super successful and creative people have around other people judging us. I'm going to teach you how to handle other people's opinions, like a boss, and how to think about other people's opinions so that you can live your life utterly unbothered. This episode we are continuing with the tentacles of overachieving, other people's opinions.
[00:02:56] As a former approval addict, I am super proud of myself for a lot of reasons, but I am very proud of myself in this area because I am damn good at helping clients through navigating this ocean of other people's opinions, because guess what?
[00:03:11] It gets Rocky out there. When you start being who you truly are and letting go of other people's approval and external validation so you can speed up the success in your life. Your brain will likely freak the f*ck out and it will be like ship to shore, ship to shore, and it will want to stop your transformation journey without reaching your destination.
[00:03:34] The fear of what other people think shows up all over the place. You worry about what other people think of your body, your appearance, your home, your car, your clothes, your marriage, your partner, your kids, your decisions, your whole life. Fear of other people's opinions causes us to give up more than anything else because our human brains think it's just easier to stay stuck, to stay the same than risk being judged. As not enough.
[00:04:04] Here's the thing. When you decide to stop going through the motions and to stop bumping into the same issues over and over, and finally make a change, you're going to do things you've never done before. You're going to say things you've never said before.
[00:04:17] You might wear things you've never worn before. When you do that other people might have opinions about you and judge you for that. So what seriously? So what, they're not living your life. They don't know how I live.
[00:04:30] Right. That's when you go back to your compelling, why and you ask yourself, how badly do I want this? Why am I doing this for myself? Am I willing to let other people not agree with me? Am I willing to let the people that I love have their opinions that might not be aligned with mine. That might not even be favorable? Am I willing to do it anyways?
[00:04:54] You want to be like, yes, I want this change. I want to not worry about what everyone else is thinking about me.
[00:05:00] The next question I get is, but how? How do I stop letting other people's opinions of me paralyze me or hedge my bets, or keep me from doing what I want to do.
[00:05:11] Pretties, it's not about how it's about who.
[00:05:15] Instead of being afraid of being judged or trying to morph yourself into this person who people can't possibly think anything negative about, you start accepting people are definitely for sure, judging you and you have no control over that.
[00:05:29] We like to believe that if we create this persona, that fits their idea of who we're supposed to be, that somehow this makes it so that we are able to control other people's thoughts.
[00:05:42] But it doesn't actually work. What you think is the full proof way to show up to act, to look, to be. Is your opinion.
[00:05:51] when you start Trying to be who you think everyone else wants you to be and who it's safe to be. You're living your life, according to other people's standards,
[00:05:59] instead of asking yourself, how do you want to show up? Who do you want to be? What are the standards of your life? And are you living below them in order to please other people?
[00:06:08] This is the number one place that I see resentment come from and where it came from myself all the time. Especially in my career because I contorted myself in order to be this version of myself that I thought everyone else wanted to be.
[00:06:20] And then. When they wouldn't like it, when I would get rejected or they would criticize me my anger level would be three times as potent because in my mind, I'm like, look, I'm being exactly who you want to be and you're not liking it.
[00:06:36] What the f*ck?
[00:06:37] You get to decide, which do you want more? Do you want to try hard to fit everyone else's expectations? Or do you want to be yourself? If they're going to judge you either way, you might as well please yourself, which truth booth is the only person on earth you are actually capable of pleasing.
[00:06:55] Let other people have their opinions. Let them be wrong about you. Proving, convincing, defending, explaining. Is a big f*cking waste of your energy.
[00:07:06] The more time you spend thinking about how you can control other people's opinions, it doesn't change their opinions. It just changes your level of life satisfaction and your level of success. I tell my private one-on-one coaching clients, the moment that I find out how he can control what other people are thinking, I will share.
[00:07:24] But until then we got to live our lives for ourselves. Other people's opinions are none of your business and are out of your control. We've talked about fisting before on this podcast. Nothing can come into a closed fist. So stop trying to control what other people are thinking about you and their opinions.
[00:07:44] Plus we also never truly know what other people are thinking. And if your brain wants to keep going there, I'll give you a little trick. Just pretend that they're thinking the best things about you. We can never actually know what they're thinking. Even if they tell us because we have around 90,000 thoughts a day.
[00:08:01] So there is no way that we actually know everything that they're thinking about us. Why not choose your own narrative?
[00:08:07] The reason why it can be very hard for overachievers and high-performers to let people have their opinions is because we're afraid that they might think something that's not true or something that you don't want them to think about you.
[00:08:20] If you look at Maslow's hierarchy, belonging and feeling accepted is one of the top three basic needs. And when we were having to live in a state of survival, when we were primitive people who lived in caves you couldn't be left behind or you would be in danger, but that's just not how it is anymore.
[00:08:39] When other people don't agree with you or they have a thought about you, our brain is like rejection, abandonment, danger, danger. And when this happens, you got to remind your drunk toddler brain, that someone is having an opinion about you. That it's not an actual emergency and it's not dangerous.
[00:08:55] For example, it's not dangerous for your husband to be having a thought about how you take care of the house. Like just breathe and remind yourself that you're not in any danger. You are just having a thought.
[00:09:08] When other people have strong opinions or thoughts or judgments about you, it is a reflection of their own limiting beliefs. Even if they tell you it's about you. I want to give you an example of that. I have a client who doesn't like being a doctor anymore.
[00:09:23] He is unhappy. He wants to quit and he actually wants to start a coaching business. Which makes me laugh because it's funny how many of my clients end up wanting to be coaches because it is so powerful. But this client keeps getting hung up on what his parents are going to think.
[00:09:37] He tells me they're going to think I'm totally irresponsible. I have a good steady practice. I make excellent money. They will not understand. They're gonna think I'm stupid. They're gonna think I'm making a terrible decision.
[00:09:50] This client's parents have a belief that people should live responsible lives, where they stay in safe jobs, even if they dread every minute of it, but that's not what my client thinks. He believes life isn't meant to just be fine or look good from the outside, or just make a certain amount of money.
[00:10:09] He believes life is quick and precious. He wants to love and enjoy as much out of his life as possible.
[00:10:17] His thoughts his beliefs don't align with his parents. And he's so hung up on what his parents believe that he spends a lot of his time worrying about that. He stays stuck in a job that he hates because he is living his life for his parents' approval
[00:10:36] Now I want to share a secret with you pretties. When I learned this, it changed my life. What you think other people are thinking about you is what you are thinking about you. When you get into someone else's head and try to assume what they're thinking.
[00:10:51] You're not actually accessing their thoughts, you're accessing yours, and then you're projecting it on other people. The example of my client, if you think your parents think taking risks is irresponsible. There's a part of you that believes that. Even if most of you doesn't believe it, there is a part of you that does. A part of your subconscious. Otherwise you wouldn't have come up with that thought that you projected into someone else's head.
[00:11:19] One thing that helped me tremendously is I wrote on my big whiteboard in my office everyday, the beliefs I wanted other people to have about me and the thoughts I wanted them to think.
[00:11:28] And I practice thinking them about myself and cultivating the feelings I wanted to have people feel in my presence. What's so funny, not funny, but like this sh*t actually works. Is that my clients and my friends tell me that they are thinking these things about me. And in my mind, I'm like, oh my God, do you know that I was like, practicing that thought three months ago. Totally works!
[00:11:48] If you think people are judging your appearance or your relationship or your body. Because there's a part of you that believes whatever thoughts you are projecting onto those other people. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. There's no wrongness here. It's just information.
[00:12:04] This is an opportunity to look at what you are believing about yourself and decide if you want to keep believing it. Whatever you think other people are thinking about you and how you think they're judging you. That's what you're thinking. This lets you access the limiting beliefs that you may not even realize you're actually thinking about yourself.
[00:12:21] My doctor, client uncovered that there is a part of him that feels maybe he should stay being a doctor and being miserable instead of taking a risk. So we coached on it and coached on it and coached on it. And we rewired that neural pathway.
[00:12:36] Opened him up to a much higher vibration and frequency. Over Halloween, he was with his father and he said that he felt like he was for sure going to throw up. He told his father that he was planning on retiring from being a doctor and the next six months and starting his own business.
[00:12:53] Just as expected, his father had all sorts of opinions about it, that my client just let him have. He knew it was coming from his father's own limiting beliefs. And that the only thing that mattered were his own thoughts and beliefs about his decision.
[00:13:09] Every moment you spend thinking about what other people think of you is a moment wasted. Every moment you spend worrying about how other people might judge you is a moment taking away from who you are and creating the person that you're becoming.
[00:13:24] If other people's opinions and their judgements are getting in the way. Which I know that they are, I want you to ask yourself these questions, where in my life am I keeping myself small because I'm scared of what other people will think?
[00:13:37] Who do I think is judging me? I want you to be specific a AF. Instead of saying, I think a lot of people will think this, or everybody thinks this. Who is everybody? Is it your seventh grade science teacher or is it really everybody? Another question to ask yourself is what are the. I think they are thinking about me? If I wasn't afraid of other people's opinions about me, what would I do? What would I stop doing? And what would you need to believe about yourself in order to just allow people to have opinions about you and maybe even let them be wrong.
[00:14:12] You don't need them to think certain thoughts about you in order for you to create what you want. If you're trying to change other people's opinions, all you're doing is you're just creating more frustration in your own life and you are taking your energy away from what and who you love.Pretties we don't change our lives by hoping. Change it by choosing to do something different.
[00:14:33] By making a choice and taking action that shows the universe. Oh sh*t. They're serious.
[00:14:39] My clients are getting amazing results. And I am looking for people who have a fire in their belly who want to create the change. You want to do the things that they are here to do. I want to work with the people who are all in. If that is you, then go to the show notes, click the link, or go to awaken session.com to schedule.
[00:14:59] Now space is limited and expected to fill up. So make sure to sign up and grab your time to talk with me.
[00:15:05] And for all of my private one-on-one coaching clients, I made an accompanying place sheet for other people's opinions, I have a great exercise to walk yourself through that will help you. Have a wonderful week pretties and I will talk to you later, alligator. Bye.
[00:15:25] If you enjoyed this pretty, pretty podcast and want to take this work even deeper with me as your guide opportunities to work with me one on one in my private coaching experience, our now available go to Courtney love gavin.com to schedule your own personal awaken session. And the 30 minutes we'll see if working together is a fabulous fit.
[00:15:54] That's Courtney love gavin.com/contact. I'll talk to you soon