Pretty Pretty Podcast

Boundaried AF

Episode Summary

Introducing Billion Dollar Boundaries™️ boundaries that prevent you from perpetuating trauma responses like people pleasing, over-achieving and getting into unhealthy relationship dynamics with other people. Plus how billion dollar boundaries reinforce a healthy relationship with yourself. Ready to change your life? I can absolutely help you. Book your Awaken Session here: awakensession.com

Episode Notes

Book your Awaken Session

Introducing Billion Dollar Boundaries™️ boundaries that prevent you from perpetuating trauma responses like people pleasing, over-achieving and getting into unhealthy relationship dynamics with other people. Plus how billion dollar boundaries reinforce a healthy relationship with yourself. This is the episode where you stop giving away your power. 

Ready to get your billion dollar boundaries up and running this holiday season? I’ll show you how😊 inside my 1:1 private coaching experience. This is the most luxurious coaching that exists, 100% customized to you and dedicated to your growth. You have me supporting & guiding you every step of the way, so it's guaranteed you will create the exact results that you want. The first step is booking your free Awaken Session, your personal doorway to life changing results. Book your Awaken Session here: awakensession.comT

WHAT'S 🔥INSIDE THIS EPISODE:

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Ep. 70 Your Brain's Bouncer + Armor of Excellence

Ep. 68 Other People's Opinions

Ep.  67 Approval Addiction Realness

Ep. 62  Finding Your Energetic Leaks

Ep.  59  Your Inner Authority

Ep.  20 Saying No + Setting Boundaries

LIKE THESE VIBES? THERE'S MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM:

Episode Transcription

[00:00:00] This is pretty pretty podcast. the prettiest podcast on the planet. where I help you untangle the mysteries and magic of your subconscious mind. So you can reconnect with your highest desires, tap into your intuition and activate the art of being yourself. I am your coach. Courtney. Love Gavin. 

[00:00:21] Welcome to pretty pretty podcast. This is pretty pretty podcast Episode number 71. Pretties how much time do you spend taking care of other people's needs. Your partner, your boss, friends, your family, clients, and children.

[00:00:35] This is the episode where you stop giving away your power. When we allow other people's desires to take precedence over our own, we become accustomed to the world telling us what to do that we can no longer hear our own inner authority. By not setting up boundaries we are participating in our own oppression. We allow others to suck our energy and time and to make their priorities more important than our priorities. This ends. Now you have the power to stop doing that.

[00:01:07] You have the power to say no, and you have the power to stop participating. You have the power to reclaim your time, your attention and your energy for your own benefit. The solution billion dollar boundaries.

[00:01:21] You have not heard boundaries taught the way that I teach them. Most people are completely misunderstanding what a boundary actually is and how best to use. Boundaries are incredibly simple when you know how to set them and what results to expect. I went from a people pleasing. Fawning person to a person who now sets boundaries has my own coaching practice has friends and has relationships that have solid boundaries within them.

[00:01:55] Now there are a lot of misconceptions about boundaries. Number one is that many people think of boundary is about controlling what other people do to you and around you. That is not true. Boundaries are not about controlling other people in any way. Boundaries are you deciding how you are going to behave and what you are going to do and response to any given situation. You do not set a boundary to try and control someone else. Boundaries aren't about you saying no to other people.

[00:02:28] Boundaries are about you saying yes to yourself. 

[00:02:32] Billion-dollar boundaries,are self honoring boundaries. It's about what we will do, how we will behave and the kinds of things that we will accept from other people. A self honoring boundary has no drama. It's about how are we thinking?

[00:02:48] What is best to take care of ourselves and our nervous system versus. Approaching a boundary like, oh, they're acting really bad. So I'm going to go in and I'm going to try and execute some boundaries. Billion dollar boundaries are healthy. They benefit our relationships and they keep all of our relationships very clean.

[00:03:05] They're self honoring, and it requires us to be in control of our behavior versus trying to control or manage someone else's behaviors. 

[00:03:15] A lot of times as children when we're in unhealthy boundaries, we need our parents love to survive. We need their approval to survive.

[00:03:22] You get stuck in chasing that approval and chasing that validation in very un-self honoring boundary situations. Because as children, we don't have agency. So your nervous system develops this pattern of learned helplessness of needing other people to change in order for you to be okay.

[00:03:41] That's a very unhealthy pattern. It keeps you in the vicious cycle of managing and controlling the behavior of others, how they feel about you, what they think about you instead of directing that focus inward on managing and controlling yourself and being in touch with your own emotions and your own nervous system.

[00:03:58] Another huge misconception about boundaries is that you have to have any sort of reason for it. You can just decide. I don't want to be around someone that talks that way or acts that way or behaves. Like the end.

[00:04:11] A boundary that is set up for control or a basic bitch boundary relies on someone else to change. That's a boundary that perpetuates the trauma responses. And isn't really a boundary because it's coming from that wound within us of learned helplessness. Of needing other people to understand you have meeting other people to understand where you're coming from. Of needing them to change so that you can feel safe.

[00:04:35] Where a billion dollar boundary is a protection rail that we set up around your nervous system, your energy and your wellbeing that reminds you as an adult, that you have your own power and agency to choose how you want to act and what you want your behavior to be.. You always have the power and agency to choose how you want to respond and what you want your energy to be directed towards.

[00:05:00] Your power and your agency is not dependent upon external circumstances, like how your family is acting or how other people are behaving. A billion dollar boundary recognizes your own power and agency to choose how you want to act, regardless of what other people think and feel about you. This is a huge turning point in your ability to engage your neuro-plasticity and your nervous systems to feel more in flow and more regulated.

[00:05:33] You're not going to engage that neuroplasticity, if you continue to try and manage how every one around you is thinking and feeling about you.

[00:05:43] The biggest mistake people make when it comes to boundaries is that they think they need to communicate them first. Majority of the time, you don't have to communicate your boundaries with other people.

[00:05:55] This is a very common misconception where you think you need to tell people, Hey, I'm setting a boundary and I'm not doing this anymore. You're not doing this anymore. When you do this, it comes from this pseudo self-empowerment. But the reality is billion.

[00:06:11] Dollar boundaries are for you. They are self-honoring. And that means you do not have to always go and communicate your boundaries to other people. You can simply say, no, you can walk away. You can decide that you're not going to get back to that person right away. Like you can just decide, you don't have to, you don't have to tell them and be like, Hey, so I'm no longer answering emails after 5:00 PM.

[00:06:32] You can just not do it and get back to them when you want to. The boundary will be understood and guess what? They are fully capable of human being and they can ask you if they have any questions. 

[00:06:41] When we go around, announcing our boundaries to people and saying, this is what I'm doing now. This is who I am now. What it actually does is perpetuate a harmful cycle where again, you're having to go to someone else to make your decisions valid. It's another way the vicious cycle of external validation can pop up. When you have a squeaky clean relationship with yourself, you are exercising your muscles of self-trust with boundaries, like, Hmm.

[00:07:08] This doesn't feel right for me. No, I don't want to do that. Yes. I do want to do that. And billion-dollar boundaries reinforce the relationship with yourself. When you have that squeaky clean relationship where you were like in your own power and you have your own agency. 

[00:07:25] When you're making a decision about a boundary, you're making that decision on your own or with the health of your life, coach CLG, but you're not going to the person you're setting the boundary with and asking them to validate your decision.

[00:07:40] 80% to 90% of the work around boundaries is your own deep work. It is the work with your own nervous system, your own emotions, your own mental flexibility, and releasing the dynamics that have been imprinted on you. When you've done the emotional preparation work, boundaries require very little emotional drama, like billion dollar boundaries are there for your own self-care. 

[00:08:09] When you've got trauma from your childhood or early on in life, boundaries are more challenging because you have grown up being more attuned to the moods and the nervous systems of other people then to yourself. You had to do that to survive, but in order to transcend your past and to move beyond.

[00:08:28] And heal from it. You got to own your truth and live in that crystal clear truth. That means upholding your boundaries. Boundaries are for you. They prevent you from perpetuating trauma responses. Like people pleasing, over-achieving banding yourself and getting into unhealthy relationship dynamics with other people.

[00:08:49] Billion dollar boundaries require us to stop putting the thoughts and feelings of other people above our own self care. We can only control our own thoughts and feelings. We don't have the ability to control the thoughts and feelings I have other people anyway, despite what our brain likes to tell us.

[00:09:10] No joke, pretties, every single coaching session I have with my private one-on-one clients, I end up asking them, can we control what other people think and how they feel like that question always pops up and they say no, and then they go, awwwww, I see it.

[00:09:26] Now. I see what my brain trying to do with this. 

[00:09:28] Setting self-honoring boundaries breaks you out of learned helplessness. It helps you have more regulation and more personal power. These billion-dollar boundaries are rooted in the truth and they set a beautiful foundation for true intimacy for both people to be honoring each other and honoring themselves.

[00:09:49] These are the kinds of relationship dynamics that we want to cultivate. Boundaries also help you stay in your body and not disassociate. They help you not get into the energy of other people that gets us all fragmented into managing all the energy of other people, which we know is actually impossible to do.

[00:10:09] As you live by your boundaries, you learn to love yourself and others unconditionally without managing or controlling their feelings. 

[00:10:18] Now pretties, here's the tricky part. You want to have clear boundaries, but most of the time, you don't want to take the action you say you're going to take when the boundary is tested. And that is the most important part of any boundary. There won't be any validity to that boundary when you're not following through on establishing it.

[00:10:35] You got to take full responsibility because when we start blaming other people and resenting other people, not only are we powerless, but then we've created this unnecessary conflict with someone else like boundaries aren't against other people or your clients, your children, they are for you.

[00:10:54] The more filled up you are, the less energy you have leaking out. And the more you have an overflow to give the people that you love. 

[00:11:02] Not honoring a boundary might give you some relief in the moment, but it's the long-term pain of that resentment and the lack of authenticity and the lack of control in your own life, that it is not worth . So not worth it, even though in some ways, Honoring the boundary falling through on the boundary might feel like it's making your life harder in the beginning. It is a hundred percent worth. It. It's the discomfort of being empowered and taking responsibility for your emotions, your relationships and your wellbeing, versus the discomfort of being a victim and resenting and blaming and trying to control other people.

[00:11:37] I choose the discomfort of empowered, confident driving my life versus the other. So, yeah. It will likely feel harder in the beginning and that's okay. You can do it. And I invite you to come on inside my private one-on-one coaching. And let me coach you through it. It'll be much easier if I can go through it with you and help you get set up, I can help you get your head in the right place and help you think about what your boundary even.

[00:12:06] Should look like. And how you're going to uphold it and how you're going to think about it. If the other person doesn't honor it. Thinking through all of this ahead of time, that's why you see this is an 80% of the work. This helps Boundaries become really, really empowering. You can do this and I'm here to help you with it. If you aren't a private one-on-one coaching client yet, then get on over here. Book your awakened session with me and let's get you all boundaried up before the holiday season. 

[00:12:35] Make the one decision that will accelerate every aspect of the life you're working towards. Give yourself the highest quality support you deserve. If there was ever a brilliant time to invest in having support, to take amazing care of yourself, mentally and emotionally. This Is it! If you become my private one-on-one coaching client, now you will have the best, most specialized tools and one-on-one coaching through all of the holidays and into the new year. I swear on Megan, thee stallion. I'm the best at what I do. And I'm the expert you want in your corner. So go to link in the show notes and schedule your free awakened session today. I will talk to later alligator bye.

[00:13:25] If you enjoyed this pretty, pretty podcast and want to take this work even deeper with me as your guide. Opportunities to work with me one on one in my private coaching experience, our now available go to Courtney love gavin.com to schedule your own personal awaken session. And the 30 minutes we'll see if working together is a fabulous fit.

[00:13:55] That's Courtney love gavin.com/contact. I'll talk to you soon.