Pretty Pretty Podcast

How To Get Out Of Survival Mode + Thrive in Your Life

Episode Summary

Are you waking up, going through the motions and walking around on autopilot? You're living in survival mode. When you think about the holidays - or any event in your life as something to be survived you’re REMOVING YOUR POWER FROM YOURSELF. But you do have power here. Learn how to change the perspective that your life is happening TO you and live your life purposefully on an Awaken Session. Schedule your Awaken Session with CLG here: awakensession.com

Episode Notes

Schedule your Awaken Session with CLG

Are you waking up, going through the motions and walking around on autopilot? You're living in survival mode. When you think about the holidays - or any event in your life as something to be survived you’re REMOVING YOUR POWER FROM YOURSELF. When your brain is habitually running un survival mode, there won't BE a time that it feels safe to just enjoy. Learn how to change the perspective that your life is happening TO you and live your life purposefully.

Ready to CREATE the life experience you DESIRE, then definitely check out my 1:1 private coaching experience. This is the deep and beautiful work you’ve been waiting for! 100% customized to you and its guaranteed you will create the exact results that you want. The first step is booking your free Awaken Session with me, book yours here:  http://awakensession.com/

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Episode Transcription

[00:00:00] This is pretty pretty podcast. the prettiest podcast on the planet. where I help you untangle the mysteries and magic of your subconscious mind. So you can reconnect with your highest desires, tap into your intuition and activate the art of being yourself. I am your coach. Courtney. Love Gavin. 

[00:00:21] This is pretty pretty podcast. Episode number 74. Welcome pretties. Before we jump in to today's topic pretty big announcements. On December 13th, I am giving a secret free masterclass. I'm giving away thousands and thousands of dollars worth of value all about being decisive a F and how you can make decisions that are aligned with who you are. Make them quickly and honor them so that you are not doubting yourself and second guessing and worrying and spending all of this time not trusting your decision making, especially if you are an over-thinker. 

[00:01:10] You are definitely going to want to get in on this secret free master class on December 13th, TIS the season to be decisive. If you are interested in getting in on that, make sure that you are on the love letter. What is the love letter? The love letter is pretty pretty podcast in email form, except it's way better because it's full of learning and levity. So if you are not a registered member on the only email list that matters the love letter, I will have a link in the show notes. You want to make sure that you are on the love letter and you will have something exciting to look forward to in your inbox.

[00:01:55] And I have felt particularly called to serve. I think that anyone that really wants this work should be able to receive it. So I have a very, very specially priced offer for one-on-one coaching with me that is only available for the month of December. it is a f*cking steal

[00:02:17] If you want to find out what that offer is, and to take me up on it while there are still spaces to do it, then you want to get on the love letter.

[00:02:29] December this time of year Christmas, new year's holiday, it's a time where there's a lot of deep emotions coming up. I know that some of you pretty struggle with sadness, heaviness, and just like overall emotional stuff during the holiday season, I certainly have experienced that.

[00:02:47] And it is why I'm so glad that I have my own coaches because truly pretties having your own personal private coach is the thing that will get you through anything. And that will get you over every obstacle through every problem, for the rest of your life. That's why I always say to people when they're interested in coaching, like, f*ck yes, do it.

[00:03:08] It's an investment with your time and money and energy, but it is literally a permanent life upgrade. There is nothing else. You spend your money on this holiday season that would give you a better return of investment. And also that would give you like more satisfaction. And I'm not even saying hiring me as your coach.

[00:03:26] I'm just saying in general, it is like Dyson or like Peloton or Roomba or glad cling wrap, or gel pedicures, once you discover it, you're like, how did I ever live without this in my life? It is the same thing with coaching

[00:03:38] and this offer I have for December is a no brainer. And guess what, if you want to experience the wonderfulness of coaching for yourself, I offer a free session to everyone that is interested in considering coaching with me.

[00:03:53] You can book your free awakened session with me today by going to awaken session.com. And I will also have a link in the show notes. 

[00:04:01] Today, pretties, we are talking about survival mode and living your life on autopilot. I just see so much stuff around your holiday survival guide and I'm just saying, f*ck that noise.

[00:04:11] Believing that you need to live your life in survival mode or that you just need to get through. Or if you are living your life on autopilot and you are just going through the motions, that right there is what keeps you from creating the kind of life that you want.

[00:04:26] You want to feel equipped. You want to feel alive. You want to feel empowered and you want to thrive in your life. No matter what season it is. Especially during the holiday season, but when you are living in survival mode and this way of thinking, you will never get out of. If you are thinking that it is because of your external circumstances, if you just think that it's your situation that is creating this survival mode mindset.

[00:04:55] If you think that it's what you're going through or it's your life, or it's your job or it's your kids, or it's your in-laws or it's your marriage or it's your busy schedule.

[00:05:04] And you think that that is the thing that is creating this survival mode paradigm that you are living in. It's not. I'm telling you, it's not, it's not the outside things. And I can guess that some of you might be like CLG, come and take a walk on my block. Like, come and look at my life. You just don't understand.

[00:05:22] Now I have private one-on-one coaching clients who tell me this every time we coach and they show me exactly what's going on in their life. And when they start writing it down, it's really not as much as they think, or. It is, maybe it is. And then it's when I step in as their bouncer and we work on setting up some self honoring boundaries because the survival mode mindset is not coming from an outside world.

[00:05:48] It is not coming. From your external circumstances, it is coming from your mind. And when you are living in survival mode, you are perpetuating the trauma identity. You are bringing the circumstances from the past where yes, I get it. I am a child of extreme abuse, neglect and torture. I get it. It was f*cking hard.

[00:06:11] And maybe you are like me and you did need to simply survive in order to get where you are today. I get it. I am an overcomer. I am right there with you, but where we are now, like right now, today, you listening to this podcast, wherever in the world, you are, you have the power and the ability to choose how you want to create your life. You can choose how you want to experience the holidays. You can choose to thrive instead of survive. And I realized that the rhymes and how f*cking cheesy that is, and it seems like it would be something that you would find engraved on a wooden block at HomeGoods, but Hey, pretty, pretty proud.

[00:06:51] And that's where we are. So when you are bringing that survivor mentality to your life, it hinders your ability to create a new experience. You are basically cock blocking all the goodness, all the satisfaction, all the peace, all the joy, all the success, all the abundance, all the good stuff that you want in your life.

[00:07:13] You are cock blocking it when you are subscribing to the survivor mentality. You are thinking of the holidays as something to survive, truth booth, I will bet you $10,000 that you are thinking this way about a lot of other things in your life you probably feel like you need to survive your job. Maybe you feel like you need to survive your relationship. You feel like you need to survive your kids. You just need to get through another day. You need to get through to the weekend, get through this really busy part of your life.

[00:07:46] And then hopefully once you're done with this, like fingers crossed, right? Like billowing the candles and wishing your way into a different life. Then you'll be able to get out of survival mode, except here's the thing you won't. 

[00:08:00] Most of us learn at a very young age, if you are in the survival mindset, that life is about surviving.

[00:08:06] Maybe you had a tumultuous childhood, maybe you had a physically sick or mentally ill parent. Maybe you lost someone really close to you when you were young and you weren't really able to fully process that death. Maybe you grew up with a parent or caregivers who weren't really able to love you the way that you needed to be loved.

[00:08:25] Maybe you didn't have money growing up and you learned that life is hard. That was a narrative that you heard over and over and over in your household. Like, life is hard. It's just hard. We just need to get through this. We live paycheck to paycheck. We just need to struggle like all of these old buildings.

[00:08:43] We just took on as the truth. Took them on as gospel when you were younger, but it's not fact, it doesn't really matter where these survival beliefs came from. It literally does not matter where it came from.

[00:08:58] All that matters now. How you are going to get yourself out of it and how you can permanently delete it from yourself and create generational change so that everyone else in your family and that you touch is no longer subscribing to the survival mindset either. 

[00:09:13] When you think about the holidays or any event in your life as something to be survived, you are removing your present power from yourself. You are coming at your life in the present moment in the, now from the perspective and through the lens that your life is happening to you. You are believing that you are at the mercy of life and this perspective, this viewpoint, it is so insidious.

[00:09:37] It is sneaky. It is tricky and we don't always see it, but it is responsible for a lot of our problems and our stuckness and overall difficulties in life. If you are having difficulty moving your life forward, if you are having difficulty expanding your emotional world and improving your resilience.

[00:09:56] This survival lens, this perspective, this bare minimum, get through it. Paradigm needs to be examined. 

[00:10:03] Now maybe you can see it intellectually like intellectually, you know, that you don't want to be in survival mode. And I get this all the time for my private one-on-one coaching clients. They come to me and they are living in the survival mode of, I just don't want to do this anymore.

[00:10:18] But the problem is they can't seem to move out of going through the motions. Intellectually they know that they don't want to be, surviving anymore, but it seems like every time they try to something comes up to remind them that no, no, no, no. Thriving is not possible for you.

[00:10:33] You are not meant to have a joyful, delicious life. You are not meant to enjoy this. You are meant to struggle. You're going to have to struggle through life because life is a struggle. And you never learned how to not be in survival mode. 

[00:10:46] So I'm going to teach you that today. I'm going to teach you how to actually make the switch from.

[00:10:51] Getting the f*ck out of survival mode. And this episode pretty's might be one you want to listen to more than once that you take some notes on. This can be the year that you finally do get out of survival mode. Wouldn't that be on mazing? Because if you think about it, when you get out of survival mode Everything changes. Every part of your life changes whether your struggle is with your body or your marriage or your home or your kids, or your day to day life, or you're just an overthinker no matter what it is, it will change all the parts of your life by getting out of survival mode.

[00:11:22] And if you feel that the holidays are something that need to be survived, or you believe that survival mode is a circumstance in your life, then it is likely that you are doing one of these mistakes.

[00:11:35] Number one, you are avoiding your true feelings and you are not allowing the full experience of the emotion and the sensation in your body to surface. You are pushing your true feelings down.

[00:11:46] This is what we do when we are in survival mode, because if you are in a situation that is extremely threatening, like it is really life or death. You don't have time to process your emotions. You don't have time to allow reflection and metacognition, and the ability to think about your thoughts and experience the full range of your emotions.

[00:12:06] If you are not allowing yourself to fully feel your feelings. This will drain your energy, especially during the holidays, because you will be using your energy to push down these deep emotions that want to come up and come through and be heard and be witnessed.

[00:12:24] PS pretties avoiding the feelings doesn't make them go away. It's just like you don't take the garbage out. It doesn't mean that it stops rotting or smelling and developing bacteria. 

[00:12:35] Just because you're not dealing with them. Those feelings are still staying there. I always tell my private one-on-one coaching clients to think.

[00:12:42] Of it like a backpack and you are walking around with your backpack and your feelings are rocks. Every time something happens, you pick up a rock let's say it is anger. And instead of dealing with the anger and setting it down and moving on your way. You tossed that rock in your backpack, thinking I'm just going to deal with it later.

[00:12:59] I can't handle it now. I can't get angry right now. I'm just going to deal with it later. 

[00:13:05] So it goes in your backpack and you keep going and then you pick up some more rocks and then you pick up some more rocks. And instead of just holding the rock up and looking at it, feeling it, experiencing it, saying, this is anger.

[00:13:16] I can feel anger. I'm allowed to feel anger. I can handle this and then setting it down and moving. You're carrying around a giant backpack full of rocks. That is why you feel so tired. That is why you feel so heavy. You are carrying your feelings around. Instead of dealing with them

[00:13:34] The easiest solution is to feel the anger when you pick it up, feel it, and then you can put it back down and the path, it is not that big of a deal.

[00:13:41] Avoiding your true feelings will make you feel like the holiday.

[00:13:46] Or something that need to be survived and feeling your feelings will give you the ability to clear your emotional body. Now it doesn't mean that this is going to be super comfortable. It's not necessarily an orgasmic experience that you will love, but it means that you are allowing the flow of energy within you to be renewed.

[00:14:04] You're not just experiencing survival energy. You're not doing that toxic stress. You're not putting your nervous system in fight or flight type thing, which by the way means that you live longer because you are not putting that stress on your body

[00:14:18] Pretties it is safe to feel your feelings. And if you don't know how to feel your feelings, you got to find someone to help you do that ASAP. Like now, if you want to change for real, you're going to need someone to help go through this with you, because we are masters. We are pros at avoiding our feelings. And our brains will come up with all of these really, really great reasons.

[00:14:40] Like my private one-on-one coaching clients, they come with. Best reasons. So please find yourself a life coach, someone who can hold that space for you. Do not put this on your friend's pretties. Friends are so awesome but they are not there to help you through this be 

[00:14:58] 'cause, this is what's going to happen. They're going to get in your backpack with you. They are going to go in there and they are going to tell you, oh yeah, like they're not going to let you let it go. And in fact, your friends will probably be like, Hey, guess what you know what you should do instead of dealing with this.

[00:15:15] Yeah. Gross here, get this backpack, get this backpack right here. It can hold so much more. Use this, this one has wheels. That'll totally help you carry a heavier load. That's what friends do, they're there for you to commiserate with they're there for you to be like, oh yeah, f*ck that person.

[00:15:31] Right? Like you need to find someone who's going to be honest with you and has your growth in your wellbeing. At the heart of it, and who is unbiased? This is why I love my job as a coach, because my only prerogative is helping the client who is in front of me become more empowered. it is not your friend's job to help you with your emotional rocks.

[00:15:51] And the same thing goes it is not your job to hold anyone else's rocks that is codependent and measurement, that is a different podcast episode, it is not your job to hold anyone else's emotions. We all had our own backpacks. 

[00:16:06] The second reason why you are not thriving and you are surviving and living in this survival mode is because you are not intentionally choosing actively choosing how you want to spend your days.

[00:16:18] And in this case, the holidays, this is going to be a revelation to some of you prettiesokay, you ready for it? You don't have to do sh*t. you don't have to do anything during the holidays or any other time during the year that you don't want to, you don't have to go to the family dinner.

[00:16:37] You don't have to go watch your kids in the holiday program. You don't have to buy presents for, from anybody. You also don't have to accept presents from anybody. You don't have to surround yourself with people. You don't want to be around. If you believe the holidays or something to be survived. You're not choosing how you actually want to spend your holidays.

[00:16:54] You're saying yes. When you mean, hell no, you are people pleasing. You are running yourself. Ragged. You are not taking enough time for yourself or you're using up too much vacation to go on vacations. You don't even want to be on. Instead of using your vacation to go away somewhere, you want to go, you feel obligated to take these holidays to go see your mother-in-law.

[00:17:17] You don't have to pretties. You don't have to, if you are doing a lot of things that you don't want to do and spending a lot of time with people you don't really want to be spending time with and giving gifts out of obligation or tradition, which tradition is just pure pressure from dead people.

[00:17:32] By the way, then you are actually choosing, you are choosing to suffer. . And you're not choosing intentionally. You are out of alignment with yourself now. Pretty as you do not need permission. But I am telling you in case no one else has you have full and complete permission to create a holiday that you enjoy.

[00:17:54] You can spend it just with your dog. If you want to, you can spend it just with your partner and your kids. You can spend it all by yourself. You can go and eat, pray, love your holiday, you can go to a spa, you can do whatever you want to do on the holidays. On Christmas day, on new year's Eve, you have absolutely no obligation.. And whatever obligation you think you have is in your mind.

[00:18:19] It is in that matrix of control and a fear of your mind. Now, if your mind is blown by this and you are stuck on O M G my mom's going to cry. All these people are going to hate me because we're not seeing them. Then you've got some thought work to do. You've got some work to do on what you think choosing means and what you think about being responsible for yourself and what you believe about being responsible for other people.

[00:18:46] You are responsible for your feelings, only. Your wellbeing only. And your thoughts only. And guess what, when you take the best care of yourself, listen to the pretty pretty podcast episode on energy leaks. When you take the best care of yourself, then you can live from overflow and you are able to spend more time with the people that you love. 

[00:19:09] You get to choose to spend the holidays, how you want to spend them. And whatever you choose, just make sure that you are loving your reasons. 

[00:19:18] Number three, way to get from surviving to thriving. If you feel the holidays or something to be survived, you're not getting the support that you need. If you are allowing your feelings to come up and you are choosing what you want to do, and you're not being responsible for anyone else's feelings or whether or not you are going to bake for the holiday party at your kid's school.

[00:19:41] If you are not avoiding your feelings and you are actively and intentionally creating the holiday you want, and you still feel like the holidays need to survived, then it is time to get you some high level support. If you were having trouble feeling your feelings, creating boundaries and getting out of overthinking, then like you for sure need some support.

[00:20:04] Whether that is me in a coaching relationship or a therapist, whatever kind of support you crave. I want you to get it and lucky for every person who's listening to this podcast, I offer a free session to everyone that is interested in considering coaching with me. And entire call, a hundred percent dedicated to you and what is happening in your life. You get my direct coaching and you have the opportunity today to get my help at zero cost to you and the value is priceless. So go and book your awakened session@aweekendsession.com. Get the support that you need.

[00:20:42] I want you to really open up to receiving the support that you need during the holiday season. So you can create the kind of holiday and life that you want. 

[00:20:51] Number four, if you feel the holidays or something to be survived there is a part of you subconsciously that is living in the past. You are forgetting that you have the power to create the kind of holiday. And the kind of life that you desire. 

[00:21:05] If you're telling yourself I'm lonely during the holidays, I have nobody to talk to. I have no partner. Guess what? You can a hundred percent create that in your life. You can go and you can make friendships. You can spend this year creating beautiful friendships and learning about the kind of friend that you want to have, and learning about the kind of partner you want to have in the kind of partner that you want to be. You can go on dates, you can go to meetup groups, you can create a community around you. You can create friends that are like family. You can meet a partner, you can create new memories for the holidays.

[00:21:40] This is why, even though i have horrible memories of Christmas with my abusive mother. I still love Christmas. And I love the holiday season because of these new memories that I created. It doesn't mean that I don't have sadness and that I don't grieve. I've had some Christmases where some like really heavy stuff has come up.

[00:22:00] Whatever reason the holidays might be heavy for you. If you had a tough childhood or have a partner that you love that has passed away, or a friend or a family member that has passed away and let's see, you're really missing them during the holidays, or if you're just feeling loneliness during the holidays guests.

[00:22:18] Well, That is a sign that you are here and that you are alive and that you did not just survive, but your intelligent, beautiful, nervous system, body and brain is here. It is online and it is feeling, and it is healing. An uncomfortable emotion is not a bad thing. As tough as they can be, they are coming up to be felt to be witnessed and to be healed. I believe that we can create a beautiful holiday experience and just a life experience overall by moving through them and really, accepting and loving where we are right now.

[00:22:54] And these skills, especially just the skill of feeling your feelings. It improves the overall quality of your life, the quality of your relationships. So you can choose the kind of life that you want to live, period, not just for the holidays

[00:23:09] . It just takes practice. It takes devotion, it takes moving through uncomfortable emotion. And of course it takes support. I am here for you to support you as a coach inside my one-on-one private coaching experience. 

[00:23:23] Pretty, as I am challenging you to embrace the holidays, not just survive it. You deserve to be an active participant in your life and your family's life and in your people's life.

[00:23:36] And that is not happening when you are in survival mode. So let's live on purpose. If you are ready to level up to get out of survival mode to make 2022. Your new beginning, you should most definitely book an awakened session with me. Go to the show notes or www.awakenedsession.com to schedule your time.

[00:23:57] I am wishing all of you pretties all the love, peace and an amazingly. Blessed rich, expansive holiday season. And I really want to challenge all of you pretties to think on a higher level and feel on a higher level so that you can create the kind of life and the kind of holiday that serves you and brings you true deep joy.

[00:24:20] I will talk to you later, alligator by.

[00:24:22] If you enjoyed this pretty, pretty podcast and want to take this work even deeper with me as your guide. Opportunities to work with me one on one in my private coaching experience, our now available go to Courtney love gavin.com to schedule your own personal awaken session. And the 30 minutes we'll see if working together is a fabulous fit.

[00:24:51] That's Courtney love gavin.com/contact. I'll talk to you soon.